Looking back....

Over the course of this term I have learned that peer evaluation is worth it's weight in gold. I have always had some issues accepting criticism with grace, but I now realize that if it makes the project you're working on better, its not criticism, it's assistance. I have always enjoyed writing, it is actually something I do in my free time (although usually not on medical research). I really feel as though this course has enabled me to write more substantially. I have also enjoyed reading other people's papers as the information was quite interesting. I still find that organized writing is slightly difficult, but I'm sure that with more practice it will get easier. I also am still having difficulty designating enough time to properly study and dedicate just to school, but I'm also trying to fix my schedule so that it won't be so difficult in future classes.

The end is near....

When I was little and I did something stupid, which unfortunately is often, my mother would "biff" me. What this is is she took the palm of her hand and bopped me in the forehead while saying "biff". Now I always resented it b/c at the time I never felt that what I did was stupid (looking back I realized she really should have biffed me harder). A couple days ago my son was trying to stand on a pile of haphazardly piled books. Of course the result of this was him falling and hitting his elbow. So he comes up to me looking for comfort and before I could stop myself I biffed him. He just looked at me and stopped crying, I swear he then realized what he did wasn't smart, and picked up the books and put them away. With children of my own I now realize exactly how enlightening a biff could be. And do you know what mom did when I told her of the incident? She biffed me.

5 little monkeys jumping on the bed.....

It has come to my attention that as children grow older they tend to feel as if their parents know nothing at all. Even as young as my children are sometimes I feel as if they're looking at me with a "what do you know" look. For instance, the other day I told my daughter Kylie to pay attention to where she's going and not where she's been. Not 5 minutes after that she ran smack dab into a wall. After I got done laughing (I know, not nice - but it was hilarious) she got mad at me for laughing at her. "Why are you laughing at me mommy, its not funny!" Seeing as she wasn't seriously hurt, it made me laugh more. I told her, if you would have listened to me, it wouldn't have happened in the first place. On occassion, mommy does know what she's talking about. She looked straight at me and said "no you don't". Now as I start to think about the years to come (she's only 5) I imagine that there are going to be some pretty interesting times in store for me and my children. I just hope that I'll be able to stop laughing long enough to take care of them :)

Something I needed to write

Thank You For

I look into the mirror
And stare into my eyes,
And all I see within their depths
Is emptiness and lies.
But it makes no difference at all
Because it can't begin to compare
To the pain dwelling deep inside -
Pain that makes me feel cold and bare.
The spirit I once had in me,
Is gone and won't come back
But there's no one to blame but me
For this invited attack.
This world I can no longer face
The grief and shame are too much to bear
I can't handle these feelings anymore -
So I'm just going to stop trying to care.
All this I say to you
With tears in my eyes and a shattered soul
I thank yoiu for the emptiness and pain
And when you're done with it -
Could you give back the pride, faith, and hope of love that you stole.

Friends

I have found, for whatever reason, that I really do not like people. Because of this I have had the same 5 friends for over 10 years now. I believe in quality, not quantity especially when it comes to friends and people I choose to share my life with. The problem now is that we are literally spread from one end of this country to the other. My very best friend is in Washington state and recently married. I've got one 2 in different coast of FL, one in TX, and one in NC. I find it difficut to meet new people, as I am typically a reserved person. I have been told that I come off as snotty, and even (pardon my mouth) as a cold bitch. It is not intentional, and maybe I am a bitch. It is what it is. I'm up and down - if you catch me on a good day it could be possible that we'll become friends. If you catch me on a bad day - its probably best that you don't even talk to me. I usually say things I regret come the next day. Many people have told me (family included) that I have an attitude problem. I like to think of it as a problem with people who are stupid and incompetent. 6 of one, half a dozen of the other, right? So back to the real problem :) I miss having my friends with me. The ones that know me best and still love me (attitude and all). I am hoping that soon we will all be able to get together!

I wonder, wonder, wonder.....

Who wrote the book of love? When were young (and dumb) we often have this picture of how love is supposed to be. It's perfect - the person you are with knows you better than you know yourself, you're always happy and there are NEVER any problems. Now, ENTER REALITY. Here comes bills, kids, responsiblity, work and school. How's that picture looking now - getting a little fuzzy yet? Looking back on how things were, how you want them to be and how they are makes you realize exactly how different each view is. This is how I think of those moments, that make you think that everything is perfect..... You're standing on a crossroad - you see two roads - the road you were supposed to take, and the one you've chosen. Those perfect moments, in my mind at least, are when those two paths meet. When your exactly where you're supposed to be, at the exact moment you're supposed to be there, with the exact person/people you're supposed to be with. So now, as I sit here sad and pissed off and my bf is in the garage pissed off and beating a motor into submission, I'm going to just relax and wait it out hoping that soon we come to some sort of impasse without saying things that neither will ever forget.

Crazy is as crazy does......

Sometimes I really wonder why I do the things I do. Do other people's mind really function like mine? I certainly hope not, if they do, I offer my condolences. My thought process is so backwards most of the time I feel like i'm running in reverse. I try my hardest to put everything in order, in a way in which it will make things easier on me and the people around me. The best laid plans...... My mother (who has 6 children) has told me numerous times that I need to plan ahead and this will make my life easier. Easier said than done for me. Two things I have learned that well is that Murphy's law seems to apply only to me and I should expect the unexpected. These things seem to be a constant in my life. But on the bright side, my life is never really boring and my mind is always expanding thinking of new ways in which to deal with the situation.